When I first started the By Emotion brand, I had no clue how deeply emotional alignment shapes every romantic relationship I’ve observed firsthand. Like, think about it: how many times have you argued with a partner not over a messed-up dish or a missed text, but because you were both coming from totally different emotional places? One of you was drained from work and needed quiet, the other was bursting to share a silly work story, and suddenly you’re both stuck yelling over misread cues. That’s the core of “By Emotion” in a relationship—not just a buzzword, but the messy, real stuff that makes or how we show up for each other. And as someone who’s been in the game as a By Emotion supplier for years, I’ve learned a thing or two about turning those chaotic emotional moments into actual connection. By Emotion
First off, let’s break down what “By Emotion” actually means for couples. It’s not being “too sensitive” or overreacting—it’s honoring that every person in a relationship has a unique emotional baseline. My suppliers and I work with couples every week, and we see it all the time: a partner who’s a “high-emotion” person, meaning they process the world through big, visible feelings—they’ll cry over a commercial, get giddy over a random walk, spiral over a minor fight. The other might be “low-emotion,” processing internally, preferring calm, logical chats instead of big, dramatic talks. When these two don’t click? That’s when the miscommunication happens. I’ve had a client tell me she thought her boyfriend didn’t care when he didn’t cry at her grandma’s funeral—turns out he processes grief by doing little things, like fixing her bike, not big public displays. That’s the “By Emotion” gap: how we express and receive feelings totally differently, even when we love each other.
The first move to fix this? Ditch the “my way is right” mindset. I know, that sounds basic, but it’s harder than it looks. When my brand started, I thought we’d only supply tools for people who express big emotions—turns out, every couple needed something tailored to their unique rhythm. For example, last year, a couple came to me: Mia, 28, a graphic designer who feels everything through art, and Jake, 30, a software engineer who processes feelings by coding little games. Mia would get mad when Jake forgot to mention a fight, like she’d drawn a sad doodle about it and wanted him to notice. Jake would get frustrated when Mia “blown up” over a tiny thing, since he thought they should just talk logically. So we partnered them with a coach we work with (shoutout to our team, they’re the real MVPs) who didn’t tell Mia to stop being dramatic or Jake to be more expressive—instead, we helped them map their emotional love languages. Mia’s language is “creative acts of care”; Jake’s is “quality time focused on coding together.” Suddenly, instead of Mia waiting for Jake to read her mind, she’d leave a silly doodle on his desk, and Jake would set aside an hour each week to code a dumb game with her. It’s not about changing who you are—it’s about meeting each other where your emotion lives.
Next up, stop treating “By Emotion” like a crisis. A lot of couples think if they’re having emotional moments, something’s broken. But here’s the thing I’ve learned as a supplier: emotional missteps are just data, not red flags. My brand’s whole angle is making emotional check-ins feel low-stakes, not tense. We make little, affordable kits—think sticky notes that say “I need 10 mins of quiet” or “I miss our hugs”—that couples can leave around the house, no big talk required. Last month, a teen couple (yes, even young folks struggle with this) told me they started leaving these notes for each other, and it cut their weekly fights in half. Before, they’d get mad when one forgot to text—now, they just leave a note like “Running late, feeling overwhelmed, text u later” and the other doesn’t spiral. It’s about normalizing that emotions are temporary, not permanent. When you stop panicking over a bad emotional day, you can actually listen instead of defending.
Another big one: learn to “translate” your own emotion before you talk to your partner. I see this all the time in my supply work: someone will say “You never listen to me!” when what they really mean is “I’m scared no one cares what I have to say.” Or “You’re so lazy!” when they’re actually hurt that their partner hasn’t helped with chores. That mislabeling turns a simple feeling into a fight. So we teach couples a little trick: the “emotion translator” exercise. Grab a note, and write down what you’re actually feeling, not what you’re saying. Instead of “You’re always ignoring me,” try “I feel lonely because I haven’t gotten to talk about my project all week, and I need you to ask about it.” We even include tiny pocket translation cards in our top kits—super handy for when you’re mid-argument and your brain’s all fuzzy. A client of mine, a guy named Liam, told me he used to snap at his girlfriend when she’d scroll her phone during dinner. After using the translation card, he realized he was feeling “unseen” because she’d been busy with work, not that he hated her phone. He ended up asking her to set aside 10 mins after work to just chat, and they fixed it way faster than any fight would’ve let them.
Wait, and let’s talk about space—because “By Emotion” doesn’t mean you have to be glued to each other’s feelings 24/7. A lot of people mix up emotional connection with constant emotional exposure, and that’s a recipe for burnout. My brand actually started because I saw so many couples pushing each other to be more emotional than they could handle, and that’s not healthy. For example, if your partner is an introvert who recharges alone, don’t take it personally when they need an hour to themselves after a big work day. That’s their way of processing their emotion, and it doesn’t mean they love you less. We supply little “emotion spaces” kits: things like a small blanket for the couch, a journal to write in, even a pair of noise-canceling earbuds for when someone needs quiet. I had a couple last year where the wife was a high-emotion extrovert and the husband was a low-emotion introvert. The wife used to get upset when he wouldn’t stay up and talk with her, until we gave her the kit and suggested she set up her “emotion space” in the bedroom, and his in the home office. Now they spend an hour together every night, but they also respect when the other needs alone time. It’s not about distance—it’s about making sure both of your emotions have room to breathe.
Also, don’t forget to celebrate the small emotional wins. When you’re dealing with messy “By Emotion” stuff, it’s easy to fixate on the fights and miss the good stuff. As a supplier, we add little “win stickers” to our kits—like a heart with a smile, or a note that says “We nailed it!”—to help couples point out when things go right. Last month, a couple told me their first win was when the guy noticed his girlfriend was quiet at a party, and instead of pushing her to “have fun,” he pulled her aside and said “You look tired, wanna go get ice cream?” That’s a huge emotional win, and it’s the stuff that builds long-term connection. Too many people wait for big gestures—like a proposal or a fancy date—but the real “By Emotion” wins are the tiny, daily moments where you see each other.
Now, I know some of you are thinking, “This is great, but what if we’re too different? What if we can’t make it work?” Let me tell you—we’ve supplied kits to couples where one is a total homebody and the other is a party animal, one is religious and the other is not, one grew up with parents who hugged all the time and the other grew up with parents who never showed feelings. None of that matters when you focus on meeting each other’s emotions halfway. I’ve seen a couple where the husband was from a culture where showing affection was rare, and the wife was super cuddly. They used to fight all the time until we taught them to use the “emotion check-in” notes: he’d leave a sticky note that said “I felt awkward hugging in front of your family, but I liked it” and she’d leave one that said “I need more hugs, can we make a deal for when it’s just us?” It’s small, but it works.
As someone who’s built a whole business around helping couples navigate “By Emotion” moments, I’ll be straight with you: it’s not always easy. There will be days where you both mess up, where you say the wrong thing, where you feel like you’re speaking two totally different languages. But that’s the point—relationships aren’t about being perfect. They’re about showing up, even when it’s messy, and learning to meet each other where you are.
If you’re tired of the same old arguments about misread emotions, if you want tools to turn those chaotic “By Emotion” moments into real connection, we can help. Our team works with couples of all kinds, from new partners to long-term spouses, and we can tailor something that fits your unique rhythm. Reach out to our team to chat through what you’re looking for, and let’s figure out how to make your emotional connection work for you.
Crystal Decor References:
Gottman, J. M. (2019). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown.
Siegel, D. J. (2012). Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation. Bantam.
Bradberry, T. (2015). Emotional Intelligence 2.0. TalentSmart.
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